Lessons Learned

Okay, so a LOT has happened in the past few weeks. For starters, my ex and I sort of started talking again, and I guess for all intents and purposes, we had a "thing" going for the last 2 weeks. She would come to my dorm and hang out and, well, we always seemed to end up wrapped in each other's arms. Well, last Wednesday, during spring break, I was hanging out at a friend's house after church, and she (my ex) texted me and told me that it would be nice if I was waiting by her car when she got off work, so I agreed and met her when she got off work. She met me at her car with a hug and a kiss, and informed me that she had no plans and didn't have to be home anytime soon, so I suggested we return to my dorm to watch a movie. We got to my dorm, picked a movie, and sat on the bed to watch (BAD IDEA!!). Well, as always, we ended up being more interested in each other than the movie, and before I knew it, we got further than I had ever planned, however, we drew the line and ended it before it we could go past the point of no return. Well, somewhere amongst the happenings of that evening, she asked me if I was going to regret what we did in the morning, and being in the moment, I said "No." Well, the next day, I went to hang out with her some before she left for Athens for the weekend, and again, we spent most of the afternoon wrapped around each other, but we didn't go as far as we had gone the night before. So she left later that afternoon and spent the weekend in Athens. We texted back and forth, telling each other how much we missed the other, and I asked her what we were now, and she replied that she would rather discuss that face-to-face, so when she got back in town Sunday afternoon, we decided to hang out again. After spending a few minutes glued to each other, she broke away and told me that she didn't think we should date. She told me that she was sure there was someone out there better for me than her, and so I just said okay and she left. Well, I went to Bible study that night, and spent the whole time thinking about what had happened the past 2 weeks between me and her. That's when it hit me, what I had done was wrong. Yeah, I had realized it at the time it was all happening, but I had chosen to remain oblivious to my conscience. I realized how messed up my life had been the last month or so, and then remembered that it had been some time since I had spent any time at all alone with God and the Word. Man....life's a wreck when you don't include God in your every day routine. This hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized how thankful I was that my ex had drawn the line the previous Wednesday and in our relationship in general. When I came to the realization that my walk with God was NOT where it should have been, I made a vow to not date anyone (or even consider dating anyone) unless I was absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt, 110% sure that she was the right girl and that she was firm in her walk with God, and of course, we had prayed fervently about it. Later that evening, I planned on sending her a message telling her how I felt and how thankful I was that she had ended whatever we had, and when I got home, she had already sent me a message telling me what she had done, and how she had already broken her "No Men in 2010" rule, and how I had been the one guy she had always said she wasn't going to do anything at all with and how bad she felt. I told her not to worry about it, I was just as guilty as she and all we needed to do was steer clear of each other for a while. So, everything seemed fine until last night. While I was walking/jogging with one of my best friends and telling what all had happened in the past few weeks, we had to stop for a bathroom break and I checked my phone in my car, where I had a missed call from my ex. I called her and she said that she needed to really talk to me. I texted her when I finished jogging and asked her what she wanted to talk about, she told me to check Facebook, and so I did. She had written me a message telling me how crazy she was about me and how much she wanted to be with me. For about half a second, I almost fell for it, but then the words of my friends and the words I had spoken to myself came back and I told her that I really didn't need to date anyone right now. She told me that she respected that, and we decided to part ways. So now that all of that's over, I've learned what NOT to do, and I want to ask each and every one of you to give me a big smack across the back of my head next time you see me start to move into a similar relationship. That is all. Thank you.

Stardate 63668.1

Well..it's been a while since I've blogged. Although I've done a fair share of vlogging, I thought it was high time for a written one. Currently I am about a quarter of the way through spring break and am enjoying it so far. I have been a bum all weekend and am continuing that tradition today. I went home this past weekend and spent a lot of quality time in my happy place (namely, Blackbird Coffee). I woke up at the crack of noon today and now am just sitting here writing this, drinking coffee, listening to music, and Facebooking. I'm going to see Alice in Wonderland tonight with my best friend in the entire world!! I'm really excited. I regret to say that I've missed 3 days of p90, but I plan to jump back on the ball tomorrow. I am also going to be returning to HOP on Wednesday nights, which I'm excited about. I've missed my HOP family. Nothing's wrong with Journey, but I had a discussion with Bryan this past Friday, and in short, he doesn't feel I'm ready to be a youth leader at this moment in time, so he wants me just to take a break. I'm a little upset, but his reasoning is sound, so I agreed. Well, that's all I have at this moment. This is Captain James D. Souter, signing off.